“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.”
“Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.”
“We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.”
“My God. We’ve had cloning in the South for years. It’s called cousins.”
“Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and “tics” meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.”
“Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.” “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
“If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.”
“In England, if you commit a crime, the police don’t have a gun and you don’t have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say “Stop, or I’ll say stop again.””
“Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”
“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.”
“I like my wine like my women — ready to pass out.”
“When you look at Prince Charles, don’t you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?”
“You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) ‘It’s the same sex all the time.’”
“If it’s the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?”
