Famous and Funny Quotes

- “The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once” – E. Joseph Cossman

- “Gray hair is God’s graffiti” – Bill Cosby

- “I lived in Miami for a while, in a section with a lot of really old people. The average age in my apartment house was dead” – Gabe Kaplan

- “Good Americans, when they die, go to Paris” – T. G. Appleton

- “We had a very successful trip to Russia we got back” – Bob Hope

- “I know lots more old drunks than old doctors” – Joe E. Lewis

- “My doctor said I look like a million dollars – green and wrinkled” – Red Skelton

- “Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one . . . and got hit by a bus” – Bob Rubin

- “My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill, he gave me six months more” – Walter Mattbau

- “I can’t believe that out of a hundred thousand sperm, you were the quickest” – Steven Pearl

- “she: Before we got married, you told me you were well-off.
he: I was, and I didn’t know it” – Jacob Braude
- “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband” – Michel de Montaigne

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