- “If Harry Potter’s so magical, why cant he cure his own eyesight and get laid. A teenage lad shouldn’t need a broomstick to cling onto.” – Frankie Boyle
- “Barack Obama will appeal to both black and white voters in America. White voters who’ll think he’s Tiger Woods.” – Frankie Boyle
- “A vasectomy means never having to say you’re sorry.” – Unknown
- “It’s a recession when your neighbour loses his job: it’s a depression when you lose yours.” – Harry S. Truman
- “Scientists say because of global warming they expect the world’s oceans to rise four and a half feet. The scientists say this can mean only one thing – Gary Coleman is going to drown.” – Conan O’Brien
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