- “Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.” – Adrienne Gusoff
- “An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie
- “Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed.” – Albert Einstein
- “Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.” – Albert Einstein
- “Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.” – Unknown
- “You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty.” – Unknown
- “The four most important words in any marriage…«I’ll do the dishes.»” – Unknown
- “No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.” – Unknown
- “Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way.” – Unknown
- “When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires.” – Unknown
- “Men only have two faults….What they do, and what they say!” – Unknown
- “You can’t buy love on eBay.” – Unknown
- “If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?” – Bette Midler
- “A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.” – Brendan Francis
- “Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.” – Cathy Carlyle
- “Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.” – Cecilia Egan
- “The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him.” – Cher
- “Men aren’t necessities, they’re luxuries.” – Cher
- “By the time you swear you’re his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is infinite, undying -
Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying.” – Dorothy Parker
- “I’m always looking for meaningful one night stands.” – Dudley Moore
- “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” – Erma Bombeck
- “Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.” – Fran Lebowitz
- “It is impossible to love and be wise.” – Francis Bacon
- “Marriage marks the end of many short follies – being one long stupidity.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
- “Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.” – Fulton J. Sheen
- “Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.” – George Carlin
- “Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.” – Glenn Beck
- “I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.” – Groucho Marx
- “To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.” – Helen Rowland
- “Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.” – Henry Kissinger
- “When we got married I told my wife “If you leave me, I’m going with you.
And she never did.” – James Fineous McBride
- “Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” – Jean Kerr
- “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford
- “It’s been so long since I made love,
I can’t even remember who gets tied up.” – Joan Rivers
- “Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.” – Joan Rivers
- “You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip.” – Jonathan Carroll
- “No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn’t take the first pill that comes along.” – Joyce Brothers
- “If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.” – Katharine Hepburn
- “True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.” – La Rochefoucauld
- “If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.” – Lily Tomlin
- “The only people who make love all the time are liars.” – Louis Jordan
- “The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.” – Natalie Wood
- “Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.” – Oscar Wilde
- “Love is a grave mental disease.” – Plato
- “Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?” – Rita Rudner
- “Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.” – Sandra J. Dykes
- “All marriages are happy. It’s trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.” – Shelley Winters
- “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” – Steve Martin
- “A love without indiscretion is no lover at all.” – Thomas Hardy
- “Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions.” – Tommy Dewar
- “Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.” – W. Somerset Maugham
- “I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.” – Walt Disney
- “Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” – Woody Allen
- “The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.” – Woody Allen
- “Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.” – Woody Allen
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