- “My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.” – Spike Milligan
- “My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.” – Jay London
- “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.” – Ellen DeGeneres
- “My inner child is not wounded.” – Shannen Doherty
- “My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.” – Mike Myers
- “Never fight an inanimate object.” – P. J. O’Rourke
- “Never floss with a stranger.” – Joan Rivers
- “Never have more children than you have car windows.” – Erma Bombeck
- “Never raise your hand to your children – it leaves your midsection unprotected.” – Robert Orben
- “Never wear anything that panics the cat.” – P. J. O’Rourke
- “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.” – H. L. Mencken
- “O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.” – Saint Augustine
- “Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” – George Bernard Shaw
- “Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
- “One man’s folly is another man’s wife.” – Helen Rowland
- “Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.” – Laurence J. Peter
- “Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.” – Lewis Mumford
- “Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.” – Samuel Butler
- “Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.” – Chevy Chase
- “People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.” – Ellen DeGeneres
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