I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Some days you’re the dog, and some days you’re the hydrant.
I keep hitting “escape”, but I’m still here.
I just [...]
If you’re a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don’t like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you’re eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you’re out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big [...]
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do blind people know when they are done “wiping?”
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
If a mute swears, does his mother [...]
Consider the daffodil. And while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here, looking through your stuff.
I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but LISTEN TO YOURSELF!
I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you’re in midair, you still hit those [...]
1. Money can’t buy happiness but somehow it’s much more comfortable crying in a Porsche than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the fuckers name.
3. Help a man when he is in trouble, and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
4. Many [...]
I’ve prepared for you a great list with best funny quotes of all time. Of course, the list could be larger, but you can help me to expand it.
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
I reckon being ill as [...]
It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake.
The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions [...]
A majority of this country opposes this war, a majority of this country never voted for this administration. – Michael Moore Quotes
Any time you got the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, your time is up. – Michael Moore Quotes
Clinton was a pretty good president for a Republican. – Michael Moore Quotes
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. – Robert Bloch
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. – Unknown
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don’t have the film. – Unknown
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. – Unknown