“What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.” – Anonymous

“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller

“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” – Jay Leno

“Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.” – Anonymous

“Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet.” – Anonymous

“Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.” – Tom Sims

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.” – Bernard Manning

“Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.” – Anonymous

“Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas.” – John Cleese, “Mony Python”

“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” – Erma Bombeck

2 Responses to Funny Christmas Quotes

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