Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

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Funny Quotes to Make You Smile

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– “Whoever said ‘nothing is impossible’ never tried to nail jell-o to a tree.” – Lisa Bryant

– “A smile confuses an approaching frown.” – Anonymous

– “The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return. It’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.” – Arthur C. Clarke

– “Smile. Have you ever noticed how easily puppies make human friends? Yet all they do is wag their tails and fall over.” – Walter Anderson

– “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” – Oprah Winfrey

– “Start every day with a smile and get it over with.” – W.C. Fields

– “Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.” – William Arthur Ward

– “If there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent him.” – Voltaire

– “I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx

– “If you are going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

– “You’ll be richer in the end than a prince, if you’re a friend.” – Edgar A. Guest

– “Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It’s something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.” – Steve Martin

– “Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.” – Og Mandino

– “So, if you feel a smile begin, don’t leave it undetected, let’s start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected!” – Russel H. Conwell

– “Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.” – Jerry Seinfeld

– “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain

– “First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.” – Steve Martin

– “A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them.” – Elbert Hubbard

– “When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” – Sacha Guitry

– “If you don’t understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.” – Linda Sunshine

Funny Quotes From Robin Williams

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“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.”

“Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.”

“We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.”

“My God. We’ve had cloning in the South for years. It’s called cousins.”

“Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and “tics” meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.”

“Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.” “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”

“If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.”

“In England, if you commit a crime, the police don’t have a gun and you don’t have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say “Stop, or I’ll say stop again.””

“Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”

“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.”

“I like my wine like my women — ready to pass out.”

“When you look at Prince Charles, don’t you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?”

“You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) ‘It’s the same sex all the time.’”

“If it’s the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?”

12 Inspiring Quotes from Thich Nhat Hanh

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“Freedom is not given to us by anyone; we have to cultivate it ourselves. It is a daily practice… No one can prevent you from being aware of each step you take or each breath in and breath out.”

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”

“Enlightenment is always there. Small enlightenment will bring great enlightenment. If you breathe in and are aware that you are alive—that you can touch the miracle of being alive—then that is a kind of enlightenment.”

“Many people are alive but don’t touch the miracle of being alive.”

“It is possible to live happily in the here and now. So many conditions of happiness are available—more than enough for you to be happy right now. You don’t have to run into the future in order to get more.”

“People suffer because they are caught in their views. As soon as we release those views, we are free and we don’t suffer anymore.”

“Mindfulness helps you go home to the present. And every time you go there and recognize a condition of happiness that you have, happiness comes.”

“Life is available only in the present. That is why we should walk in such a way that every step can bring us to the here and the now.”

“When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence. How can you love if you are not there?”

“To be loved means to be recognized as existing.”

“Every thought you produce, anything you say, any action you do, it bears your signature.”

“We have to continue to learn. We have to be open. And we have to be ready to release our knowledge in order to come to a higher understanding of reality.”

Break Up Quotes

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The loss of love is not nearly as painful as our resistance to accepting it is. – Tigress Luv

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop. – Unknown

Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience. – Victoria Holt

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. – Alexander Graham Bell

I never can love another
As long as life may stand.
No maid the wide world over
Shall hold this heart or hand. – Unknown

One way to break up any kind of tension is good deep breathing. – Byron Nelson

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken, and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived. – Margaret Mitchell

I have no regrets in my life. I think that everything happens to you for a reason. The hard times that you go through build character, making you a much stronger person. – Rita Mero

When you break up, your whole identity is shattered. It’s like death. – Dennis Quaid

The heart was made to be broken. – Oscar Wilde

Breaking up is a natural evolution when you try to figure out what you want in life. If you’re with an individual who isn’t moving in the same direction and at the same rate that you are, it isn’t going to work. – Usher

It takes a couple seconds to say Hello, but forever to say Goodbye. – Unknown

If you really love something set it free. If it comes back it’s yours, if not it wasn’t meant to be. – Unknown

Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart do not know how to laugh either. – Golda Meir

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. – Anonymous

Missing Someone Quotes

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– “Parting is all we know of heaven and all we need to know of hell.” – Emily Dickinson

– “If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden.” – Claudia Ghandi

– “Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.” – Edna St Vincent Millay

– “Absence from whom we love is worse than death, and frustrates hope severer than despair.” – William Cowper

– ” Don’t be dismayed by good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again and meeting again after moments or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends.” – Richard Bach

– “Missing someone gets easier everyday. Because, even though it is one day further from the last time you saw each other, it is one day closer to the next time you will.” – Unknown

– “If I never met you, I wouldn’t like you. If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t love you. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.” – Unknown

– “Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated.” – Lamartine

– “The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected.” – Nicholas Sparks

Sad Love Quotes

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“Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes… just be an illusion.” – Javan

“It takes a minute to like someone, an hour to love someone, but to forget someone takes a life time.” – Unknown

“The saddest thing in the world is loving someone who used to love you.” – Unknown

“When you are in love and you get hurt, it’s like a cut… it will heal, but there will always be a scar.” – Unknown

“It’s amazing how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little pieces.” – Unknown

“You can close your eyes to things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to things you don’t want to feel.” – Unknown

“I hate to see the one I love happy with somebody, but I surely hate it more to see the one I love unhappy with me….” – Unknown

“It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.” – Samuel Butler

“A teardrop is insignificant in a pool of water, but it can touch the soul as it runs down someone’s face.” – Unknown

“The hardest part of dreaming about someone you love is having to wake up.” – Unknown

“Its hard to pretend you love someone, when you don’t but its harder to pretend that you don’t love someone when you really do.” – Unknown

“Moving on is simple, it’s what you leave behind that makes it so difficult.” – Unknown

“I wish I had the guts to walk away and forget about what we had, but I can’t because I know you won’t come after me & that’s what hurts the most.” – Unknown

“A million words would not bring you back, I know because I tried, neither would a million tears, I know because I cried.” – Unknown

“Since I can’t be with you right now I will have to be content just dreaming about when we will be together again.” – Susan Polis Schutz

“Why is it that we don’t always recognize the moment love begins, but we always recognize the moment it ends?” – Unknown

“When It’s clear that you don’t feel the same way for me… the problem is that as much as I can’t force you to love me, I can’t force myself to stop loving you.” – Unknown

“Sometimes you don’t realize how much you care for someone until they stop caring for you.” – Unknown

“Someone can walk into your life and it is not until after they walk out that you realize that they were even there.” – Unknown

Sarcastic Quotes

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# Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
# The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
# It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
# Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
# Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
# Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
# If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
# Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
# If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
# Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
# If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
# If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
# Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
# Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
# The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
# A closed mouth gathers no foot.
# Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
# There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
# Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
# Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
# Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Superbly Sarcastic Sayings About Life

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“I am not young enough to know everything.” – Oscar Wilde

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” – Groucho Marx

“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” – Abba Eban

“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.” – Albert Einstein

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe. ” – Albert Einstein

“Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. ” – Albert Einstein

“In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep ” – Albert Einstein

“Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school. ” – Albert Einstein

“The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. ” – George Bernard Shaw

Drugs Quotes

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– “They say drugs aren’t the answer, but really, what is the question?” – Janet Fitch

– “I don’t do drugs. I am drugs.” – Salvador Dali

– “All drugs of any interest to any moderately intelligent person in America are now illegal.” – Thomas Szasz

– “Don’t do drugs because if you do drugs you’ll go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in prison.” – John Hardwick

– “Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.” – P.J. O’Rourke

– “If God dropped acid, would he see people?” – Steven Wright

– “I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.” – Unknown

– “Avoid all needle drugs – the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.” – Abbie Hoffman

– “Reality is a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.” – Lily Tomlin

– “Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they’re the scenic route.” – Unknown