Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

Menu

Tag: Yogi Berra

Funny Quotes About Parents

“Parents are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.” – Bill Cosby

“There are two things that a child will share willingly – communicable diseases and its mother’s age.” – Benjamin Spock

“I don’t think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.” – Woody Allen

“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.” – Bill Cosby

“Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth.” – Peter Ustinov

“Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.” – Michelle Pfeiffer

“Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.” – Joyce Armor

“Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.” – Yogi Berra

“The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder.” – Jim Morrison

“I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” – Rodney Dangerfield

funny quotes about parents“If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t, either.” – Dick Cavett

“That’s sort of a cliché about parents. We all believe that our children are the most beautiful children in the world. But the thing is, what no one really talks about is the fact that we all really believe it.” – Heather Armstrong

“My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.” – Peter De Vries

“Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people’s children and publicly admit they can do better is asking for it.” – Erma Bombeck

“My husband and I have decided to start a family while my parents are still young enough to look after them.” – Rita Rudner

“Call me Jonah. My parents did, or nearly did. They called me John.” – Kurt Vonnegut

“It is paradoxical that many educators and parents still differentiate between a time for learning and a time for play without seeing the vital connection between them.” – Leo Buscaglia

“Parents wonder why the streams are bitter, when they themselves have poisoned the fountain.” – John Locke

“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.” – Mark Twain

“Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.” – Ogden Nash

“My parents are my backbone. Still are. They’re the only group that will support you if you score zero or you score 40.” – Kobe Bryant

“I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.” – Dave Barry

“Tyranny or slavery, born of selfishness, are the two educational methods of parents; all gradations of tyranny or slavery.” – Franz Kafka

“The best part about being friends with your parents is that no matter what you do, they have to keep loving you.” – Natalie Portman

Funny Quotes

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. – Groucho Marx

A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat. – Erma Bombeck

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. – Bob Hope

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. – Kevin Nealon

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. – Yogi Berra

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.” – Claude Pepper

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. – Lana Turner

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it. – Jerry Seinfeld

Funny QuotesA word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice. – Bill Cosby

All men are equal before fish. – Herbert Hoover

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. – Casey Stengel

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. – Bill Cosby

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. – Hedy Lamarr

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. – Groucho Marx

As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. – Buddy Hackett

As I get older, I just prefer to knit. – Tracey Ullman

Be obscure clearly. – E. B. White

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly. – P. J. O’Rourke

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. – Jim Carrey

Famous People Quotes #2

“The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.” – John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)

“I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.” – E. E. Cummings (1894-1962)

“Give me a museum and I’ll fill it.” – Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)

“Assassins!” – Arturo Toscanini (1867-1957) to his orchestra

“I’ll moider da bum.” – Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento, when asked what he thought of William Shakespeare

“In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.” – Yogi Berra

“I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.” – Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)

“Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.” – Rene Descartes (1596-1650), “Discours de la Methode”

“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” – Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

“Whether you think that you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right.” – Henry Ford (1863-1947)

“Do, or do not. There is no ‘try’.” – Yoda (‘The Empire Strikes Back’)

“The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.” – Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

“Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.” – George Burns (1896-1996)

“I don’t know why we are here, but I’m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.” – Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951)

“There are no facts, only interpretations.” – Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.” – Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

“The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.” – Edsgar Dijkstra (1930-2002)

“C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.” – Bjarne Stroustrup

“A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.” – Paul Erdos (1913-1996)

“Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by fighting back.” – Paul Erdos (1913-1996)

Famous People Quotes #10

“The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.” – George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

“Silence is argument carried out by other means.” – Ernesto”Che”Guevara (1928-1967)

“Well done is better than well said.” – Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

“The average person thinks he isn’t.” – Father Larry Lorenzoni

“Heav’n hath no rage like love to hatred turn’d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d.” – William Congreve (1670-1729)

“A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.” – Helen Rowland (1876-1950)

“Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.” – Lewis Perelman

“Dogma is the sacrifice of wisdom to consistency.” – Lewis Perelman

“Sometimes it is not enough to do our best; we must do what is required.” – Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

“The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.” – Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

“There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.” – Sigfried Hulzer

“Ask her to wait a moment – I am almost done.” – Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855), while working, when informed that his wife is dying

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” – Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” – Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943

“I think it would be a good idea.” – Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948), when asked what he thought of Western civilization

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” – Edmund Burke (1729-1797)

“I’m not a member of any organized political party, I’m a Democrat!” – Will Rogers (1879-1935)

“If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?” – Will Rogers (1879-1935)

“The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.” – Von Clausewitz (1780-1831)

“Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions – it only guarantees equality of opportunity.” – Irving Kristol

“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.” – Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

“The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C’, the idea must be feasible.” – A Yale University management professor in response to student Fred Smith‘s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

“Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?” – H. M. Warner (1881-1958), founder of Warner Brothers, in 1927

“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” – Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962

“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” – Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899

“Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.” – Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood.” – General George S. Patton (1885-1945)

“After I’m dead I’d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.” – Cato the Elder (234-149 BC, AKA Marcus Porcius Cato)

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” – Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

“Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.” – last words of Pancho Villa (1877-1923)

“The right to swing my fist ends where the other man’s nose begins.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841-1935)

“The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.” – Tom Clancy

“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” – Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.” – Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527), “The Prince”

“Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.” – Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

“The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.” – Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live

“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” – Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

“Half this game is ninety percent mental.” – Yogi Berra

“There is only one nature – the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.” – Bill Wulf

“There’s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.” – Flannery O’Connor (1925-1964)

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

“Write drunk; edit sober.” – Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)

“I criticize by creation – not by finding fault.” – Cicero (106-43 B.C.)

“Love is friendship set on fire.” – Jeremy Taylor

“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williams, commenting on the Clinton/Lewinsky affair

“My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.” – Unibomber Theodore Kaczynski, when asked in court what his current profession was

“Woman was God’s second mistake.” – Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

“This isn’t right, this isn’t even wrong.” – Wolfgang Pauli (1900-1958), upon reading a young physicist’s paper

“For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.” – Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)

“Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.” – Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

“Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.” – Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)

“Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.” – Voltaire (1694-1778) on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.

“Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.” – Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

“He would make a lovely corpse.” – Charles Dickens (1812-1870)

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb

“I worship the quicksand he walks in.” – Art Buchwald

“Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.” – Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“A poem is never finished, only abandoned.” – Paul Valery (1871-1945)

“We are not retreating – we are advancing in another Direction.” – General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)

“If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?” – Seymour Cray (1925-1996), father of supercomputing

“#3 pencils and quadrille pads.” – Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) when asked what CAD tools he used to design the Cray I supercomputer; he also recommended using the back side of the pages so that the grid lines were not so dominant.

“Interesting – I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray.” – Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) when he was told that Apple Inc. had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac.

“Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.” – Pierre Laplace (1749-1827), to Napoleon on why his works on celestial mechanics make no mention of God.

“I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don’t need.” – Francois-Auguste Rodin (1840-1917), when asked how he managed to make his remarkable statues

“The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.” – Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“The truth is more important than the facts.” – Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

“Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.” – Wernher Von Braun (1912-1977)

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” – Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

Famous People Quotes #8

“Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.” – Martin Fraquhar Tupper

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book – I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas (1900-1966)

“From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.” – Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

“It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.” – Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

“When ideas fail, words come in very handy.” – Goethe (1749-1832)

“In the end, everything is a gag.” – Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977)

“The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.” – Lucille S. Harper

“You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.” – Yogi Berra

“I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.” – Walt Disney (1901-1966)

“He who hesitates is a damned fool.” – Mae West (1892-1980)

“Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.” – Gail Godwin

“University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.” – Henry Kissinger (1923-)

“The graveyards are full of indispensable men.” – Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970)

“You can pretend to be serious; you can’t pretend to be witty.” – Sacha Guitry (1885-1957)

“Behind every great fortune there is a crime.” – Honore de Balzac (1799-1850)

“If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.” – Aristotle Onassis (1906-1975)

“I am not young enough to know everything.” – Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.” – Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

“The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.” – General George Patton (1885-1945)

“Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

“There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” – George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

“I don’t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.” – Katherine Cebrian

“I have an existential map; it has ‘you are here’ written all over it.” – Steven Wright

“Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.” – Gioacchino Rossini (1792-1868)

“Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.” – Oliver Herford (1863-1935)

“I have read your book and much like it.” – Moses Hadas (1900-1966)

“The covers of this book are too far apart.” – Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

“Everywhere I go I’m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don’t stifle enough of them.” – Flannery O’Connor (1925-1964)

“Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.” – Igor Stravinsky (1882-1971)

“Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.” – Voltaire (1694-1778)

“When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.” – Mae West (1892-1980)

“I don’t know anything about music. In my line you don’t have to.” – Elvis Presley (1935-1977)

“No Sane man will dance.” – Cicero (106-43 B.C.)

“Hell is a half-filled auditorium.” – Robert Frost (1874-1963)

“Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.” – Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961)

“Vote early and vote often.” – Al Capone (1899-1947)

“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” – Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

“Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.” – Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“Hell is other people.” – Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)

“Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.” – Robert J. Oppenheimer (1904-1967) (citing from the Bhagavad Gita, after witnessing the world’s first nuclear explosion)

“Happiness is good health and a bad memory.” – Ingrid Bergman (1917-1982)

“Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.” – Thomas Jones

“You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.” – Al Capone (1899-1947)

“The gods too are fond of a joke.” – Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)

“Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.” – Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

“The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.” – Gloria Leonard

Best Motivational Quotes

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. – Robert Frost

Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use. – Charles Schulz

Opportunity is always knocking. The problem is that most people have the self-doubt station in their head turned up way too loud to hear it. – Brian Vaszily

Some people develop a wishbone where their back bone should be. – Anonymous

Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times. – Helen Rowland

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself. – Ethel Barrymore

Opportunity dances with those who are already on the dance floor. – Jackson Brown

I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early. – Yogi Berra

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. – Oscar Wilde

I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock. – Henny Youngman

Burn your computer. Blow up your TV. Bludgeon your cell phone. Breathe deeply. This, my friends, is the secret to inner-peace. – Brian Vaszily

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. – Zig Ziglar

God is dead – Nietzsche Nietzsche is dead. – God

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions. – Unknown

A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory. – Unknown

Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce. – Unknown

I’ve developed a new philosophy… I only dread one day at a time. – Charles Schulz

None of us is as dumb as all of us. – Unknown

Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn’t spend half our time wishing. – Alexander Woollcott

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That’ll do them in. – Unknown

I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. – William Mauldin

If I had a dollar for every time someone came to me with not only a problem but also a possible solution to that problem, I’d have six dollars. – Brian Vaszily

Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else. – Unknown

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. – Dale Carnegie

To do is to be. – Descartes

To be is to do. – Voltaire

Do be do be do. – Frank Sinatra

Short Funny Quotes

“When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car” – Anonymous

“I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.” – Anonymous

“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” – Dean Martin

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” – Anonymous

“I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know I’m not blonde.” – Dolly Parton

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” – Yogi Berra

“I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk!” – Homer Simpson

“If at first you do not succeed, then skydiving is surely not meant for you.” – Anonymous

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.” – Bill Cosby

“Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.” – Anonymous

“Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.” – Jerry Seinfeld

“Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.” – Anonymous

“Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.” – Anonymous

“I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.” – Elayne Boosler

“To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I’ve done it a thousand times.” – Mark Twain

“My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.” – Paul Getty

“If at first you don’t succeed, order pizza.” – Anonymous

“Hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance.” – Anonymous

“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.” – Albert Einstein

“I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you.”” – Anonymous

“Dogs have Owners, Cats have Staff.” – Anonymous

“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.” – Anonymous

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”- Anonymous

“Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.” – Benny Hill

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

Funny Quotes

If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style. – Quentin Crisp

If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor. – Joan Rivers

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? – Lily Tomlin

If my films make one more person miserable, I’ll feel I have done my job. – Woody Allen

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? – Lily Tomlin

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three. – Laurence J. Peter

If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer. – Yogi Berra

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. – George Carlin

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. – Rita Rudner

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes. – Jay London

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate. – Dave Barry

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. – H. L. Mencken

Let’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers. – P. J. O’Rourke

Life is hard. After all, it kills you. – Katharine Hepburn

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. – Groucho Marx

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. – Henry A. Kissinger

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. – Woody Allen

Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him. – Marlene Dietrich

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing. – Emo Philips

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. – Mitch Hedberg

Funny Quotes

– “It ain’t over till it’s over.” – Yogi Berra

– “We the willing, following the unknowing are doing the impossible. We have done so much for so long with so little that we are now able to do anything with nothing” – Unknown

– “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams

– “Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.” – Voltaire

– “To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.” – Murphy’s Laws

– “If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.” – Murphy’s Laws

– “If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.” – Murphy’s Laws

– “When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout!” – Murphy’s Laws

– “This is like deja vu all over again.” – Yogi Berra

– “Nothing is as easy as it looks.” – Murphy’s First Law

– “Everything takes longer than you think.” – Murphy’s Second Law

– “In any field of endeavor, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.” – Murphy’s Third Law

– “If there is a possibility that several things can go wrong, then the one that will cause the greatest damage will be the one to go wrong.” – Murphy’s Fourth Law

– “If anything absolutely can NOT go wrong, it will anyway.” – Murphy’s Fifth Law

– “If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.” – Murphy’s Sixth Law

– “Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.” – Murphy’s Seventh Law

– “If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.” – Murphy’s Eighth Law

– “Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.” – Murphy’s Ninth Law

– “Mother Nature is a “son-of-a-gun.”” – Murphy’s Tenth Law

– “It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so very ingenious.” – Murphy’s Eleventh Law

– “Things get worse under pressure.” – Murphy’s Twelfth Law

5 Funny Quotes for Today

1. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx

2. “If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” – Abraham Lincoln

3. “Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical” – Yogi Berra

4. “I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children, they just about throw up” – Barbara Bush

5. “Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.” – Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC