“All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.” – H. L. Mencken

“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?” – Scott Adams

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

“Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.” – Anonymous

“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.” – Cullen Hightower

“Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.” – John Wilmot

“I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.” – Anonymous

“I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney

“I’ve gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her.” – New York City detective

“Remember: Don’t Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.” – Anonymous

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